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a) you are speaking with a distant relative trying to find out what relation you are to one another;
b) you show your family album to your friend and answer all his or her questions.
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TEXT
A Marriage of Convenience
(Story by W. S. Maugham. Abridged.)
I left Bangkok on a shabby little ship. I had gone on board early in the morning and soon discovered that I
was thrown amid the oddest collection of persons I had ever encountered. There were two French traders and
a Belgian colonel, an Italian tenor, the American proprietor of a circus with his wife, and a retired French
official with his.
The French official had been accompanied on board by the French minister at Bangkok, one or two
secretaries and a prince of a royal family. He was evidently a person of consequence.¹ I had heard the
captain address him as Monsieur le Gouverneur.
Monsieur le Gouverneur was a little man, well below the average height, and smally made, with a very
ugly little face; he had a bushy grey head, bushy grey eyebrows, and a bushy grey moustache. He did look a
little like a poodle² and he had the poodle's soft, intelligent and shining eyes.
The Governor's wife was a large woman, tall and of a robust build. She towered over her diminutive
husband like a skyscraper over a shack. He talked incessantly, with vivacity and wit, and when he said
anything amusing her heavy features relaxed into a large fond smile.
In such a small ship having once made the acquaintance of my fellow passengers, it would have been
impossible, even had I wished it, not to pass with them every moment of the day that I was not in my cabin.
Talking of one thing and another we watched the day decline, we dined, and then we sat out again on
deck under the stars. Soon, influenced perhaps by the night, the Italian tenor, accompanying
himself on his
guitar began to sing. He had the real Italian voice, and he sang the Neapolitan songs.
I saw that the little French Governor had been holding the hand of his large wife and the sight was absurd
and touching.
'Do you know that this is the anniversary of the day on which I first saw my wife?' he said, suddenly
breaking the silence. 'It is also the anniversary of the day on which she promised to be my wife. And, which
will surprise you, they were one and the same.'
'You see, ours was a marriage of convenience pure and simple.'³
'C'est vrai,'
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said the lady. 'But sometimes love comes after marriage and not before, and then it is better.
It lasts longer.'
'You see, I had been in the navy, and when I retired I was forty-nine. I was strong and active and I was
very anxious to find an occupation. And presently I was sent for by the minister to the Colonies and offered
the post of Governor in a certain colony. The minister told me that I must be ready to start in a month. I told
him that would be easy for an old bachelor.'
'You are a bachelor?'
'Certainly,' I answered.
'In that case I am afraid I must withdraw my offer. For this position it is essential that you should be
married.'
'It is too long a story to tell you, but the gist of it was that owing to the scandal my predecessor had
caused, it had been decided that the next Governor must be a model of respectability. I expostulated. I
argued. Nothing would serve. The minister was adamant.'
'Well, think it over/ said the minister. 'If you can find a wife in a month you can go, but no wife no job.'
I walked away from the ministry with death in my heart.
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Suddenly I made up my mind.
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I walked to the
offices of the Figaro, composed an advertisement, and handed it in for insertion. You will never believe it,
but I had four thousand three hundred and seventy-two replies. It was an avalanche. It was hopeless, I had
less than a month now and I could not see over four thousand aspirants to my hand in that time. I gave it up
as a bad job.
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I went out of my room hideous with all those photographs and littered papers and to drive care
away
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went on to the boulevard and sat down at the Cafe de la Paix. After a time I saw a friend passing. My
friend stopped and coming up to me sat down.
'What is making you lookso glum?' he asked me.
I was glad to havesomeone in whom I
could confide my troubles and told him the whole story. He
laughed. Controlling his
mirth as best he could, he said to me: 'But, my dear fellow, do you really want to
marry?' At this I entirely lost my temper.
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